Aaaaannnnnd We're Back

[Waiting for the applause to die down]

OK, after a brief hiatus, I'm back. I took some time off to, you know....um....to...let's see.... Well, OK, I wasn't doing anything, I was just being lazy. And when you're being lazy, it kind of limits the scope of topics you can discuss.

So when I last posted, I was on my way to America -- a lone adult with three kids in tow. On a 22 hour flight. In coach. Fun stuff. Actually, to be honest, traveling with the kids wasn't that bad. They did really good. (Thank you Steve Jobs for inventing video iPods!) But you know, that whole flying thing? I hate it. To say that I'm a "nervous flier" is an understatement. (To say that that's an understatement is an understatement!) Before we moved, my doctor in America had given me some nice sedatives to make air travel seem like just a hazy dream, but since I was supposed to be responsible for the kids, I felt like I kind of owed it to them to stay lucid. So I regretfully left my wonderdrug in Singapore and rode the waves of several panic attacks throughout the flight.

But what I'd really like to discuss here is what a difference 50 feet makes. And after that, what a difference 150 feet makes.

50 feet is the approximate distance I was from the movie screen showing the in-flight movie. Granted, they were showing movies that I probably wouldn't have cared about watching any other time, but when you're trapped in coach, wedged between a 4 year old and a 6 year old, all of a sudden the movie "Fools Gold" sounds like something you want to see. Unfortunately, here is what I was able to see of the screen from my seat.

I mean, why even have a movie screen if only the first 5 rows of a section can see it? It's just unfair; it's not right! But they weren't going to get the best of me! I managed to outsmart them by leaning over and peeking between the seats ahead of me. And if I. leaned. just. far. enough, I was able to get this view of the screen.

Ha! That showed them! (I should mention that I have no idea who "them" is. The airplane industry? The airplane builder? The people in front of me with a clear view of the screen? The Wright brothers? Who knows, it could be anyone.) I discovered, too, that when you watch a movie in which you can only see 1/4 of the screen (and even less anytime the bald guy a few rows up leans over), you rely alot more on your sense of sound. I felt like a blind person in a movie theater "watching" a movie. "I hear silverware and glasses clinking. They must be at a restaurant. A-ha! Was that a chair scraping against the floor? They must be leaving. Cars on the street, they're outside now; a door opening, they're at her place; a dog barking. Hey! She has a dog?" That sort of thing. I eventually gave up on the movie and watched videos on the iPod with Alex and Ali. Underdog, Inspector Gadget, Mr. Magoo. Mr. Magoo...now there's a guy who knows my pain!

Now I'll discuss 150 feet. 150 feet is the approximate distance our coach seats were from business class. Ahhh, business class, I wish I never knew you. See when we moved over here, we flew business class and all of us got a little spoiled. ("Mrs. Martin, would you like a pair of slippers? A glass of champagne, Mrs. Martin? Mrs. Martin, would you like another satin pillow?) Here are some pictures of us indulging in the comforts of business class.





That was an easy flight.

This one, not so much.


150 feet in airline industry measurements can be defined as the difference between the "haves" and the "have nots". It might as well be 150 miles.

Being that Ali's first taste of air travel was in business class, it's no surprise that when we got on the plane this summer and had to walk through business class to our seats in coach, she automatically went towards one of the business class seats.
"I'll sit here," she said, dumping her Hello Kitty backpack onto the seat.
"No, that's not our seat, keep walking."
She went a little further and pointed to another business class seat. "Is this our seat?"
"No," I said, "that's not ours either."
"Well, where are our seats?"
I leaned over a little bit and pointed down the aisle. "Do you see those chickens and goats running around waaaaayyy back there in the back of the plane? The last row by the bathrooms. Those are our seats."
She turned to me with a look of disbelief and incomprehension that seemed to say, "Hmmm, those seats look awfully close together; how do they lay flat like a bed? Do they serve orange juice in fancy glasses back there? And will I still be getting my warm towel before dinner?"

Reality is a harsh lesson to learn when you're a 4 year old. But I just patted her on the back and ushered her 150 feet down the aisle to our seats far away from business class.

More later!

Potty Talk

The Olympics have been going on for a week now and let's hope that the organizers got this kink worked out. I saw this in the newspaper a couple of months ago...

(click to enlarge)

Otherwise, people (and by people, I'm referring to women) will have to use this to go to the bathroom...

(cue the Psycho theme)

This is what we call a "squatty potty". Don't even ask me how to use this thing, because I have no idea. The only useful advice I can give is that I'm pretty sure that it helps to have strong leg muscles. Due to the fact that I'd like to keep my pants dry, I haven't even tried to use a squatty potty. Thankfully, most public restrooms in Singapore have both types of toilets. The only problem is that you don't know which toilet will be waiting for you behind the stall door. Countless times, I have waited in the looooooong women's bathroom line, and when it was finally my turn, walked to the available stall only to see a squatty potty. Arrrgghhh!! I just do a quick about face and go straight back to the line to wait for a real toilet. (And I just know that all of the Chinese women in the bathroom are having a secret giggle at the white girl who can't figure out how to use the toilet.) I'm thinking that they need to offer a class at the American Club to show us the technique involved in using this diabolical contraption.

I don't feel too embarrassed about not knowing how to use one, though, because it seems that the Chinese can't figure out our complicated (?) Western toilets either. Proven here by this poster that I saw in a public restroom -- and by the shoe prints that I see on practically every Western toilet in Singapore...


Quite a public service announcement, huh?

More later!
jodi.

Sing It With Me!

Yes, it's official...we'll be "coming to America" in a few weeks! I know, I know in the song, they yell "today!" But, apparently Neil didn't think the song had quite the same punch when he sang "they're coming to America...in a few weeks!" And admittedly, he probably wasn't talking about the Martins, but hey, it's our current theme song, so I'm going with it.

Actually, we didn't plan on coming back to the US until the summer of '09, but once we got here, we realized that that's a REALLY LONG TIME. Singapore really is a nice, relatively easy place to live and adjust to, but I was missing home quite a bit. So I talked to Colin and after lots of begging, pleading and crying (Colin did the crying), he agreed that it'd be a good idea for me and the kids to go back home for a visit. We're all SO excited. (Well, all of us except for Colin who will have to stay behind and work. Hey, someone's gotta earn the money! This trip ain't cheap, ya know!) Anyway, we'll be back June 13-July 27. We'll spend about a month with mom and dad in Illinois and then drive down to Nashville for a couple of weeks and stay with my friend Jeni. Can. Not. Wait.

Not only am I looking forward to seeing everyone, I'm a little giddy at the thought of shopping at Target. And Kohl's! Oh I've missed them! Here in Singapore, they don't have stores like that. Don't get me wrong, they have hundreds of malls and clothing stores, but the clothes over here are primarily for Asian women who all happen to be just a tad more petite than me (blasted Anglo genes!). And even though I've come to terms with the fact that I can't fit into their diabolically small clothes, I can't even make myself feel better by buying a pair of shoes because I can't squeeze my gigantic size 9s into the size 7s which are at the top of the Singapore size chart. So I'm really looking forward to going into a clothing store, grabbing my size and seeing that it fits. That and not having to hear the Chinese owner say, "Oh, you too big! You need extra large!"

Another thing...communication is a problem here. Though English is a main language, most of the time we have absolutely no idea what the locals are saying, and even when we understand the words, we still have no idea what they mean. More on this in another post, but as an example...we went to a restaurant and ordered water to drink.

"Orange?" asks the waiter.
"No, water."
"Orange?" he asks again.
"No, water."
"Orange," he says.
"No. Just waaaa-terrrr." We practically sign it.

It was exhausting, but we did eventually get water. I mean, how difficult is that?? To this day, I still don't know what the confusion was about, but after being here awhile and seeing how they confuse the language, I think that what he meant was "lemon" and what he meant to say was, "Would you like a lemon in your water?" But who knows? Maybe he really did want to bring an orange to our table. Believe me, that's a possibility, too. Anyway, we're really looking forward to talking and being understood.

Hey, it's the little things.

And now I think I'll put on my Gloria Vanderbilt jeans...or maybe Jordache, crank up my Walkman and listen to Neil sing about us coming to America...in a few weeks!

More later!

Proud To Be An American

Being so far from home is hard. (We now know this for a fact!) But I guess probably no one knows it better than our military. They are separated from their family for months on end, all in the name of serving their country. Since Singapore is an island with a huge port (and possibly because it's a cool place to visit??), US naval ships stop here regularly on their way to other locations. The American Association in Singapore does a great job of reaching out to the sailors that come through here. When a ship is coming in, they ask for American families to host the sailors by taking them out to dinner, showing them around Singapore, cooking a dinner for them, etc. Something that will give them the sense of home and "American hospitality" since they're so far away from family.

Colin and I had the awesome opportunity to host three sailors a couple of weeks ago. We were assigned to Dustyn, Zac and William from the USS Shoup (a destroyer that accompanies the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln on its way to the Persian Gulf). These guys obviously drew the short straw when they got stuck with the Martins, but I'll tell you what, they were good sports! Most of you know that my cooking is atrocious -- surely there's a stiff penalty for poisoning government personnel?? -- so it goes without saying that I wasn't going to cook a meal for them. We gave the guys the choice of a few restaurants and let them decide where they'd like to eat. They chose to go to a seafood restaurant to try one of Singapore's favorite dishes: peppered crab. First, though, we took them shopping for electronics and then took them to Chinatown where they found some souveniers to take home. (I'm going to leave out the part where Colin almost got us all killed by mistakenly looking to the left instead of the right before pulling out into an intersection. You're welcome Colin!) Then we were off to dinner. We got the chance to hear about why they enlisted in the military, about their families and what it's like in the Navy. We had a great time. I wish I could tell you how many pounds of crab they ate, but things are measured in kilos over here and I'm still struggling with the conversion. All I can say is...they can put away some crab and probably could've eaten even more! After dinner, we took them back to our house so that they could use the computer and our phone to call home. Then they all got involved in a fierce Guitar Hero and Super Smash Brothers competition with Cameron on the Wii. We had a good time and before we knew it, it was time to take them back to the base before their curfew.

I feel like I need to acknowledge the dedication these guys have. To give you an idea of what they're sacrificing to serve our country, here's who they bought for in Chinatown: Dustyn bought something for his new wife Stephanie, William bought something for his girlfriend who he had met just a couple months before shipping out, and Zac bought something for his wife, Christine, who is pregnant with their first baby. These guys will be gone for six more months. Zac won't even be back from this tour until after the baby is born. It really hits home to see the sacrifices that these guys and their families make to serve our country. And these are only three of the thousands that are serving in our military. Just think of all the babies that are born without their fathers in the delivery room and the wives that are without their husbands because of their service to the US. No matter what your stance is on what's going on with the war, you have to admire our servicemen and women. I'll tell you, I was really proud of these guys.

Since taking them out, they've sent a few emails to let us know how they're doing and each time they've told us thank you for taking them out. But we should be the ones thanking them! It was an honor meeting them and treating them to a night out in Singapore was hardly enough thanks for what they do.

Here are some pictures that I thought I'd share...



In Chinatown. William is in the Packers jersey (Colin, the avid Titans fan, decided he'd let William come along for the night despite his misguided allegiance to the Packers), Dustyn is in the red and Zac is kneeling in front.


Eating With Chopsticks 101 -- Hey Zac, it usually works best when the chopsticks are in the same hand!


Cracking the legs was a group effort.


Now this is the look of a military guy who is going to show his food who's boss.


And this is the look of a military guy who uses his hands to break the crab legs instead of the crab cracker. Messy little suckers!


William had just used his camera and set it down on the ledge next to him and two minutes later reached over to get it and this giant snail had crawled up on the lens of the camera. I probably would have freaked out to have this big, nasty snail on my camera, but William posed for a few pictures before prying it off and putting it in the bushes. Yuck!


When losing at Guitar Hero, employ any tactics necessary to distract your opponents. Moose antlers is always effective.


See Zac's tongue sticking out? I told you it was an intense game!

More later!

It's A Video!

I took some videos and Cameron put it together in a little montage that I thought I'd post on here. As you watch it, you'll see a couple parts where Colin is helping Alex and Ali out of the water. The waves were really unpredictable and the kids would be bodysurfing, enjoying the smaller waves and then big waves would come in and smash into the beach for five minutes or so, then stop again. My job was to stand on the beach and watch for the big waves to start forming so that Colin could get the little ones out in time. There were only a couple close calls. : ) The kids had a blast bodysurfing. Especially the first day when the waves were smaller. By the fourth day, they had to sit it out and we made it a "pool day" because the waves were so big (10-12 feet); I was even nervous about Colin being in the water!

Cameron did the video and chose the things that he wanted to put in there, so...enjoy! Make sure your speakers are on.

It's Pronounced Pooh-ket (just in case you're wondering)

We went to Phuket, Thailand for spring break at the end of March. If Phuket sounds familiar to you, it's probably because it's one of the areas that was hit by the tsunami in December 2004. It's a very popular beach destination for Europe and Asia -- there were ALOT of Europeans and Australians. (While I'm on the subject of Europeans, we discovered that you are never too old or too fat to wear a bikini if you're European. Wow.) We stayed in an area of Phuket called Karon, which is one of the beach resort areas. We had a really nice time. We stayed in a great hotel (which was at the top of a hill on the tsunami evacuation route, so I slept easy at night!), the beaches are clean, the people are friendly and it was nice to just relax and enjoy the area. Anyway, we had a really great time (despite Colin getting the worst sunburn of his life) and would definitely go back.

So here are some pictures from our trip that I thought I'd share.

These first four pictures were taken from the cab on the way to the hotel. I had my camera ready so that I could take a picture if I saw anything interesting.


See the blue motorcycle? Can you see how many people are riding on it? Four. The little girl and dad (the only one wearing a helmet!) are in the front, then the mom (you can only see her legs and shoulder) is sitting in the back, holding a baby! Apparently, if you're in Thailand and can fit all of your family on a motorcycle, it's OK to do it. Geez, we could've saved a load of money on the cab if we had known that! Haha


Once again, a family on a motorcycle. Only three of them this time, though. And look who gets to wear the family's helmet!


See the back of the gray pickup truck? I took this picture to show that there are rednecks everywhere. Even in Thailand.


An elephant farm that was on the side of the road.


After finding out that the drinking age in Thailand was 6, Alex was able to let loose and enjoy himself. I'm kidding! When we got to the hotel, we were greeted in the lobby with a glass of juice and a cold towel. Alex wasn't exactly sure what to do with the towel, but he made use of it anyway.


From our balcony.


On the beach. (Pretty much the only way that I'll be in any pictures is to take them of myself!)


Cameron washed up onshore.


Having fun in the water.






Wow! What a great...um...mound of sand you guys have made!


These people would bring this elephant into town every night and for 50 baht (about the equivalent of $1.50) you could feed the elephant bananas and pickles and sit on it. I felt really bad because I felt sorry for the elephant, but the kids loved it. Colin told me it was probably the happiest elephant in Thailand.


Karon Beach


All Alex and Ali could do was watch when the big waves came. Such a pathetic picture, don't you think?


The main street that runs along the beach.


This is the same restaurant where the band is singing outside on the video. The band was so embarrassingly bad. They knew only about half of the lyrics of the songs, so alot of the music was hummed in unison. Pretty funny.


Alex loves his daddy.


More later!
-jodi.

Mr. Popularity

This is the title that was bestowed upon Eric during his visit with us. The kids were SO excited to see him. The week pretty much consisted of:

"I wanna sit next to Eric!"
"No! I wanna sit next to Eric!"
"Mom!!! Tell Eric to sit next to me!"

Poor Eric was the object of a sibling tug of war. (And poor Cameron was discarded quicker than a piece of chopped liver. Luckily, he understood and didn't take it personally!) We devised a simple plan: one of the kids can sit next to Eric in the car, then the other one can sit next to him at the restaurant. Seemed to work. Well, except for the fact that Eric was crammed into the backseat of the car, next to a carseat, anytime we went anywhere and that he had to endure random comments and inane conversation from whichever little person was at his side. But hey, that's one of the privileges that comes with being "Mr. Popularity". It's quite an honor. Eric was a good sport about it, though, and I'm pretty sure that he didn't know that if you sat on the toilet with the door closed and the light off, the Toilet Monster would come up and scratch your butt. Or that lightning has so much "lecktrickazy" in it that it can make your hair go straight up! So at least he learned something.

We had a nice visit with him; it was good to have the whole family back together again. We're looking forward to him coming over in July so that we can all settle in together. Here are a few pictures from the week that he spent with us.



Eric's plane got in very late, so Alison didn't see him until she woke up in the morning. This is a picture of her seeing him for the first time. She was SO excited for him to come and visit and had talked about it for weeks ahead of time. She was actually kind of shy when she first saw him and just sat and smiled and stared at him for a few moments.


Colin, Eric and Alex eating in Holland Village near our house.


All of the kids. We had just finished seeing a movie (which explains the sweaters on the little ones). It's about 90 degrees every day in Singapore, but they crank up the AC in restaurants, malls and theaters. Anyway, this is in front of one of the (gigantic) malls that are all over Singapore.


Ali won and got to sit next to him at dinner, apparently. This is in Clarke Quay by the river.


Cameron was also glad to have Eric back around. They goof around so much and have a good time together as you can tell by the next few pictures....








See? Can't take them anywhere! But they do make us laugh.


This was taken with my cell phone, so the quality isn't that great, but it's such a sweet picture, I had to include it. I love how Ali has her hand on Eric's chest.


All of us.


More later!
-jodi.

Let's (Not) Go Krogering

It's been awhile since I've sat down long enough at the computer to write much of anything. We've had some recent developments:

One, we got our sea shipment at the end of February. I think I've finally got everything put away. Or at least stashed somewhere that I don't have to look at it.

Two, I got a new camera. A Canon S5IS for anyone who's interested in knowing. Set Colin back a pret-ty penny, too, I might add. That'll teach 'im! He won't be leaving this camera in bathrooms, I don't think! Though now what will I say to him whenever a picture-worthy event happens? I won't be able to say, "Gee, wish I could take a picture of that" or "Wow. That would've been a good picture" anymore. Hmmmm. I'll think of something. I know how much he must miss me saying that.

So anyway, hooray on both counts! Yes, things are looking up here in Singapore. Even more so now that I've discovered my new favorite person. And his name would be Kenny the Grocer. Kenny is my new favorite person because he has rescued me from one of my Top 5 Most Hated Domestic Chores: Grocery Shopping. It ranks up there with Cooking (holding strong in the number 1 spot), Mopping, Cleaning the Bathrooms, and -- well, okay let's just admit it, Most Other Domestic Chores.

But anyway, if you think that grocery shopping in America is a pain, it's like some sort of sick joke in Singapore. Though you'll shop at the same grocery chain, you'll quickly find that not every store carries the same items. You'll also learn the hard way that just because the store had something in stock last week doesn't mean that they'll have it this week (or next week, or the week after that). And there will inevitably be at least 7 items on your list that you'll have to race around to no less than 3 different stores for -- and one of those stores must be on the other side of Singapore in an area that you have never been to. And then you'll find that you're sharing tips and trading info with your neighbor and the ladies in your daughter's ballet class. "Oh, they got a shipment in of Tostitos at the Cold Storage on 6th Avenue!" "Hey, I saw macaroni and cheese at the King Albert Cold Storage last week." "Can anyone tell me where I can find a box of {insert name of hard-to-find, but must-have item here} ?" "Oh, good luck finding that! I haven't seen that since last September." But still, you give it a try. You go to the grocery store (fight traffic, pay to park, find a spot). You get your 20 cents out to pay for your cart. Ooops, don't have change? Well, get one of those free kiddie carts with the orange bicycle flag on it then. Off you go. And you'll actually make a day (an entire day!) of pinballing from one store to the next, frantically gathering the items on your list, doing one of the things that you hate most.

Then one day, your doorbell rings and there, in a ray of light, stands Kenny the Grocer who asks you if there's anything you need from the store; he'll go get it for you. [Cue the Hallelujah chorus] His grocery works with all of the Cold Storages and they have "plenty supply", so "no problem!" Kenny has brought me those little teddy bear cookies that Ali likes so much (not Teddy Grahams, but as close as we can find here) and Easy Mac macaroni when there was none to be found. He brings me Alex's soy milk (Silk in the blue box only! A rare item here.) He brings my fresh fruit, meat, milk, juice, cereal, ice cream....everything. I truly believe that if Kenny can't get it for me, it's not in this country. I pay Kenny the same price that I pay in the grocery store. (I don't dare question how this is possible) And he unpacks it for me and promises to call tomorrow. No more grocery scavenger hunts for me! Whatever will I do with my time?

So, I have a special place in my heart for Kenny. I don't even mind that he keeps calling me "CahleenMahtin". I tried and gave up explaining to Kenny that Colin is my husband, my name is Jodi. But he will hear none of it. To Kenny, I'm still "CahleenMahtin". And that's OK, because whether we call each other by the right names isn't important. What's important is that Kenny calls me every morning ("except no Sundays!") and asks me if there's anything I need from the store that day.

More later!

Excuse Me, Can I Check Your Pockets?

Alot of you have asked to see pictures of Singapore, the house, us, etc. I would LOVE to be able to put some pictures up, but sadly, cannot. The reason? My camera was stolen last week. I'm not one to point fingers, so I won't come right out and say whose fault it was. But you know that guy that I'm married to? It was his fault.

Let me explain... We were at a playground with the little ones and I had asked him to hold the camera for me while I took Alex to the bathroom. In the meantime, Ali decided that she had to go to the bathroom (naturally). Col--I mean that guy that I'm married to, laid the camera on a ledge in the bathroom and forgot to get it before he walked out. To his credit, he did remember almost immediately and turned around, ten steps out the door and went back in, but it was already gone. There were two guys who he had passed on his way out of the bathroom, and he confronted one and actually asked the guy to empty his pockets so he could make sure that he didn't have the camera! (Desperation and panic had set in at this point, obviously.) Well, after a thorough search, Colin determined that Suspect #1 didn't have the camera. And of course, the other guy had already skulked out of the bathroom by then. By the time Colin came back to where I was and (with fear in his heart, I'm sure!) told me what had happened, our thief was long gone. We looked all over for him, but couldn't find him. So, if you happen to see a Chinese guy in a dark blue shirt with a backpack on, stop him! He's got my camera!

Obviously, I could care less about my camera. I mean, yes, I'm mad that someone took it, but it's the pictures that I care about. And of course, my camera was full of three weeks worth of wonderful shots and videos. All of them gone now, belonging to the Chinese guy. I mean, if you're going to steal a camera, at least have enough decency to leave the memory card behind! Geez!

So as of now, the only pictures I have are a handful that I had put on our computer when we first got our air shipment. There weren't many to begin with, and after eliminating those where someone's eyes are closed, I look fat or it's just a bad shot, leaves very few to share. But here are a few that made the cut.

(Click on the pictures to enlarge them)

Walking along the Singapore River. We're on our way to take a bum boat tour.

This is a bum boat. Authentic looking, huh? Wonder if the 16th century bum boats had car tires on them, too?

Waiting for Colin to run to the ATM to get cash. Bum boat operators don't take debit cards. Go figure!

Colin and Alex enjoying the ride. Or perhaps a little intoxicated by the diesel fumes from the engine. Either way, they seem to be enjoying themselves.

The small buildings are part of one of the three Quays - a large commercial area along the river and extending inland with restaurants, nightclubs, etc. The tall buildings are part of the Central Business District.

Cameron just HAD to have a picture of this. Take a look at the name of the snack.

Ali is enjoying her $8 ice cream and a free kiss from Cameron. This is in Holland Village, which is about a 15 minute walk from our house. It's very popular and very busy. So busy, that it's nearly impossible to find a parking spot. In fact, men stand in the parking lot and offer to drive your car around and find a spot for you. Yeah right, I don't think so!

I'm still shopping around for a camera (I wasn't too crazy about the one that I had anyway!) and I will definitely post pictures once I buy one. Check back soon!

More later!